November 11, 2008.

I can smell the death on the sheets. Covering me, I can't believe this is the end. But this is my deathbed. I lie here alone. If I close my eyes tonight, I know I'll be home. ~Relient K

Do you ever feel like you're dying? Not because you're sick with like a cold. Just this feeling like something is seriously wrong with you. But you don't know exactly what it is.
Well, I've had that feeling for a while now. And I've come to accept it. In a weird way. But it's not really like I'm depressed. I don't really have a reason to be depressed, I don't exactly feel depressed. Sure I get sad sometimes, but it does blow over.
The reason I feel this way is because I've had an eating disorder for a while now. Not many people know about it. And you can't really tell. And recently it's gotten worst. To the point of if I eat anything it makes me sick. Especially meat and dairy products. But it's not because I find them disgusting or want to be anorexic. They just do make me sick.
I'm at the point of where I only eat once every two to three days because the feeling of being hungry is better than the feeling I get after I eat. I told my mom but she won't even take me to the doctor. She's just trying to force me to eat more and take something for heartburn, but I don't have heartburn. And it's not working. I've even had to give up soda because I get sick from that too.